A SELECTION OF HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS FROM OUR MEMBERS AROUND THE WORLD

Mercy Be merciful towards each other. Overlook your shortcomings and focus on Allah together.

Reminding each other constantly that we want to go same direction. Knowing each other’s personality and supporting each other.

Ability to disagree with respect.

Using energy and capacity together, not to move away from each other, not against each other, but together to get where we want to go.

Lower unrealistic expectations of each other.

Stay busy with positive halal things.

Give each other mutual intimacy.

Give respect for each other’s space and time.

Pray and fast together.

Be involved in fundraising, dawah and zakat projects.

Understanding and being content with each other

The same silly sense of humor 

No judgement we are both on spectrum, so we need space and understanding without judgement. both my husband and I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD and it’s a struggle too. Keeping u all in my dua’s

We are best friends 

Not having unrealistic expectations.

Compromise and knowing when things are important and when to just let things go.

Understand each other, always compromise and don't prolong any arguments.

let's remember that even the best marriages have their low points.

If these low points become the norm, it may be worth considering the quality of the marriage.

practice understanding for both ourselves and our spouse. Allah, help us recognize that the support we seek doesn't always come from just one source.

Grant us the openness to healthy alternatives for self-care when our usual support system is unavailable. 🤲❤️ 

Pray together. 

Eat together. 

Sleep in the same bed 

Make time together away from the kids. 

Have fun together. 

Don't lose yourself in family life make time for each other.

If I'm feeling upset or angry, I can walk away scream in the pillow take upset and frustration to my prayer mat journaling my feelings helps also and physical exercise all diffuse an argument in my house.

Do not parent to each other! 

 Give to not receive. 

Find things you like about each other and list them esp if your angry with each other. 

Do come toa marriage without expectations and an open heart. 

Work on filling your own cup of self-love and aim for someone who loves themselves.

Have a positive view of relationships regardless of your role models. 

Be clear what each other's roles are before marriage sharing the roles  

Become compassionate to yourself and each other

A true commitment. We've both had troubled times and we're committed to helping each other through everything. We're best friends and we do our best to treat each other with respect, kindness, and support.

This was what my husband told me, " Don’t worry about our relationship, fix your relationship with Allah and everything will befine!"

Growing from a big family I never had peace. My parents always create drama and blame their children for things. My dad just love ruining ppl’s peace out of jealously. I told myself I’m going to find a partner who I can have peace with. I do not want to marry a person who acts like my dad. Despite all the trauma that happened to me living at home. I found the peace of my life when I got married, and never felt so much relief. I believe what makes a marriage happy is by listening .

Al Karim Qur’an

Academy

Building Sisterhood Revert Comfort space group chats

Founder details

My name is Robena Mohammed. I am originally Pakistani, born and raised in Manchester UK, I presently  live in Saudi. I am a teacher by profession but currently not working. I have my own Qur’an Academy opened recently this July, we teach Tafsir, tajweed, recitation for new muslimah’s, and born Muslimah, Nooraniya, ‘Revert comfort space’ which is a support group for new Muslimah to talk about challenges and difficulties they face or to offload. Too  about anything that is bothering them. We also have monthly talks by specialists in their f all our classes and spaces are free and open to all Muslim sisters

I gained my Islamic knowledge here in Saudi and still continuing my Islamic education here.I started teaching new Muslimah’s because I was fascinated on how they leave their current lifestyles

Revert into to a faith with lots of new things to learn . As I started talking to new muslimah’s I

understood that they needed support therefore in my Qur’an Academy I opened a Revert comfort space

where sisters can join the Academy via our invite link and join the Revert comfort space.

We talk about sisters about what they need too talks about such as  struggling to tell their families of their testification to becomes a Muslim and about Deen and learning to pray

It's all online because we all live in different parts of the world. We also teach recitation. We are open to

have sisters who are considering converting too.

We give emotional support and advice so that the sister doesn’t feel alone and isolated.

“Untying the knot”.  

The project I’m currently working on is my book Untying the knot, is a book that takes the reader on a emotional journey. The book shared my personal

experiences, diving deeply into my emotions and gives a personal insight into lessons learned and offers

valuable advice to individuals surviving through dead marriages. Tools are given in the form of short

exercises to help you move forward.

I would like this book to serve as a testimony, that if I made it you can make it too.  

I’ve written this book for women who struggle in dead marriages and divorce is not an option and

connect with people on the same path as me.

The book could be dipped into from time to time or when needed as a ‘pick me up’ boast or it can be

read at once too, referring to it as needed too.

It can be opened at any page and it will greet you with a nugget of valuable information.

Untying the knot is a self help book on dead marriages.  

The central question explored in the book is ‘how can muslimahs cope in a dead marriage when divorce

is not an option’

New alone gives a personal insight into lessons learned and offers valuable advice to individuals

surviving through dead marriages. The book will give you an insight into improving the ability to cope in

a dead marriage and overcome the challenges and offers solutions

1. “.Barakah بركة "blessing") is a blessing power, a kind of continuity of spiritual presence and revelation that begins with God and flows through that and those closest to God.

Baraka can be found within physical objects, places, and people, as chosen by God. This force begins by flowing directly from God into creation that is worthy of baraka. These creations endowed with baraka can then transmit the flow of baraka to the other creations of God through physical proximity or through the adherence to the spiritual practices of the Islamic prophet Muhammad. God is the sole source of baraka and has the power to grant and withhold baraka.

Rachel Thompson-Green (2023)

A-Z Revert Muslimah’s Guide Download here

B- is for BARAKAH?

What is Barakah?

barakah (noun): God-given blessings; growth; good; plentifulness; happiness – Barakah is the abundance of goodness and its continuity.

1) Develop a barakah mindset (Allah is what You think of Him)

Some may call it a growth mindset. Or positive mindset. Having a barakah mindset means that you monitor the way you think, and try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

In the following Hadith, Allah is telling us that whatever we think of Him will be true. If all you expect from Allah is negative things happening in your life, that’s what you’re going to get. However, if you expect positive things, and expect that Allah will send you more barakah in your life, then you’ll definitely get what you expect. So, the next time you find yourself plagued by negative thoughts, remember the following Hadith, and keep your faith in Allah. Instead of trying to eliminate the negative thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts related to the same subject.

Allah says in the Hadith Qudsi: “I am to my slave as he thinks of Me, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him).” [Bukhari]

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said: “The more you have good expectations of your Lord and hope in Him, the more you will rely on and trust in Him. This is why some explained true reliance and trust to be having good expectations of Allah. In reality, having good expectations of Him leads to relying on and trusting in Him, as it is unthinkable that one can trust in someone that he has bad expectations of or no hope in, and Allah Knows best.”

He (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said:

“The one who hopes in Allah should always be optimistic, cautious, and hopeful in Allah’s bounty, expecting the best from Him.”

Practical tip:

Stick the post-it note with this hadith written, in your office or put it up where you may be reminded of it (refrigerator, diary, whiteboard etc.)

2) Wake up early and don’t waste time

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. It’s an English proverb, but combine it with the following Hadith, where the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) prayed for his nation (us!) to be blessed in the early mornings, and you have more than one reason to set your alarms to wake you up quite early!

An early morning will help you pray Fajr on time and reap plenty of health benefits, in the form of early morning Vitamin-D-filled sunshine and a morning routine that sets the mood for the rest of your day. What a great way to combine the blessings of timely prayer and worldly good!

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “O Allah, bless my people in their early mornings.” [Abi Dawud]

Practical tip:

If you aren’t used to waking up early, try doing it incrementally, setting your alarm half an hour earlier, and going to bed half an hour earlier than usual. Once you’ve maintained this new routine, set your alarm another 30 minutes earlier, and so on, until you are able to sleep and wake up on time for Fajr prayers.

3) Show gratitude for all that you have

Being grateful doesn’t only increase plentifulness or barakah. In fact, another commonly-used phrase, in our daily prayers, “sami’a Allahu liman hamidah”, means “Allah listens to those who say Alhamdulillah ”. This means that those who frequently say “Alhamdulillah” are more likely to have their du’as answered, as Allah is constantly listening to them!

And when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you …’” [Qur’an – 14:7]

Practical tip:

Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing at least one thing you were grateful for during the day, and make a habit out of it. Set a specific time (so you are able to remember it) and stick to it, every day.

4) Be kind to those around you and maintain kinship ties

Jarir reported from Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ): “He who is deprived of tenderly feelings is in fact deprived of good.” [Muslim]

Kindness is one of those things that you may not give much thought to while you’re performing it, because you were raised to be ‘nice’ or because you just don’t see the point of it sometimes. After all, why would you give someone a compliment if they don’t look so good anyway; and what is the point of going out of your way to get your sister a glass of water? You may think of it as a small thing, or even an annoying thing. Don’t belittle the little things that you do to be ‘nice’ to others.

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “He who wishes to have his earnings grow (and be blessed) and his term of life prolonged, he should keep ties with his kin” [Bulugh al-Maram]

Practical tip:

Keep a running list of nice things you can do, and review it around midday daily, so that you have enough time to do one of those things before the day is over.

5) Read Qur’an

What more barakah is there than being among the angels? Not only that, but the Quran is full of life lessons that we can use and practice daily: enhancing the quality of our life and increasing our happiness. Even if you find yourself stumbling upon the Arabic letters while reading the Qur’an, do not despair; the Hadith mentions that those who recite Quran with difficulty get double the reward. Even more barakah!

“And this is a Book which We have sent down, blessed and confirming what was before it…” [Qur’an – 6:92]

Aim to read and understand; so, if you don’t know Arabic, instead of reading just one page in Arabic, read half a page in Arabic and in your native language. This way you’ll be able to derive inspiration from your readings! Don’t over complicate it; if you’re a busy person, even one Ayah a day is a good start.

6) Make istighfar a habit (Seek Forgiveness)

Istighfar O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.

These verses show you the immense power of saying just a few words. It is the ultimate barakah-bestowing tool. You free your soul of whatever maybe impeding its happiness. Rains pour down, nourishing the soil that you may have planted food in, allowing them to grow. Rivers flow, making your water supply plentiful. Allah bestows His blessings upon you in the form of your progeny. Your wealth increases, allowing you to increase the quality of your life and do more good to yourself, your family, and others.

Use the word bis·mil·lah

[bɪsˈmɪlə]

EXCLAMATION

in the name of God (an invocation used by Muslims at the beginning of an undertaking).

2. Different forms of Abuse experienced by Some New and Revert Muslims

by

By Psychotherapist Rachel Thompson Green - Halifax & Halifax - Counselling Directory (counselling-directory.org.uk)

Domestic violence and abuse (DVA) occur across all faith communities.

I write this blog from experience of being a revert and targeted by protentional spouses and in my capacity as a Relationship counsellor and friend to many Shahada Sisters siters worldwide , experiencing being targeted for our status as reverts by others using spiritual abuse and coercive control with very little if no accountability for there actions before or after Marriage , often in a state of isolation and unaware of our rights as women under Islamic guidance in collaboration with a revert Domestic Violence advocate and survivor spiritual abuse and domestic violence

Developed by Dr. Sharifa Alkhateeb who is no longer with us today The Muslim Wheel of Domestic Violence was developed by Sr. Sharifa Alkhateeb. It conveys some of the ways religion can be distorted to justify abuse against women and children in the family context. It is an adaptation of the Power and Control Wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse Project of Duluth, Minnesota.

Download here: Muslim Wheel of Domestic Violence - MCASS (muslimchildrensaid.com)

What is spiritual abuse?

In a spiritually abusive relationship, the abuser uses so-called religions principles to exert power and control over their victim.

Spiritual abuse entails exerting power and control over a victim using religion as an excuse or explanation to abuse. It can be exhibited in many ways:

Sexual Abuse

It is sad to see new Muslims, particularly sisters become victims of sexual abuse. Men in the community take advantage of their naivety and lack of understanding of Islamic rulings to coerce them into certain acts in the supposed name of Islam.

Such behaviour is gross misconduct and in severe opposition to Islamic teachings. Verse 34 of Surah Nisa clearly instructs men to be the maintainers/protectors of women. Such a terrible experience can cause one to leave Islam but, more importantly, scar and traumatise an individual for a lifetime.

Using Isolation

husband says that as the "qawwamun" (manager) of his wife, he has the God-given right to control her every movement, who she sees and talks to, what she thinks, what she reads

wives are made to get permission to use the telephone, go grocery shopping, visit parents

even if marriage contract gives her full mobility, husband ignores it

Minimizing, Denying, Blaming

directing children to lie about/trivializing the abuse

denying the abuse by calling it "discipline"

saying the wife caused the abuse

tells wife that divulging episodes of abuse equals violation of her Islamic responsibility to respect her husband's privacy and God will condemn her for it

Using Children

children told they are being beaten to prevent becoming too "American”.

father threatens to get custody from Islamic court, send children overseas, marry them off young or kidnap them

children's trauma symptoms used as excuse to batter wife

father encourages children to insult, disrespect mother

husband says he has to abuse mother to stop child abuse

Using Male Privilege

husband's dominance and inflexibility extolled as Qu'ranically mandated requiring obedience in all matters

wife's opinions, aspirations, plans considered as "Western" and un-Islamic

children verbally/physically abused as "right" of Muslim father

wife encouraged to fear husband

repeats bogus Hadith [religious text] about women bowing to men

Using Economic Abuse

refusing to allow wife to get education or training

refusing to let her get a job

demanding she quit a job

taking her entire paycheck while Islam allows her to keep it all

hiding family income

Using Coercion and Threats

threatening to marry another wife

threatening "God-ordained" wife beating (Qu’ran 4:34)

threatening to leave her without money

threatening to spread the word that she is an adulteress

making her drop charges to preserve extended family's reputation

Using Intimidation

grossly dirtying her kitchen several times, a day

having the local Imam [clergyman] tell the wife that the abuse is her fault

customs are disguised as religion.

hiding/destroying important documents

taking all her jewellery and selling it

apologizing to others for her disobedience

collecting, displaying weapons

stalking

Using Emotional Abuse

belittling/calling wife unfit Muslim mother.

making fun of her inadequate Islamic knowledge

calling her names/calling her crazy

making her believe she is incapable of directing her own life

telling abused women, they must be quiet, docile, obedient to uphold family honor

lying to her extended family in letters

saying her lovemaking is inferior.

If you have been or are being affected by the issues in this blog please reach out to you local org support masjid Wali and Police below is an international shelter link

International Organizations (domesticshelters.org)

Marriage Service | Solace UK

Psychotherapist Rachel Thompson Green - Halifax & Halifax - Counselling Directory (counselling-directory.org.uk)

(2) Muslim Survivor of Domestic Violence. | Facebook

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